SOTERIOPHOBIA

Unlearning self sufficiency: The Courage to Receive.

Hello amazing readers, happy Sunday!
How’s your day going? I hope you’ve had enough rest and are enjoying the Lord’s day—I certainly am, and I trust you are too.

Earlier last week, I came across the word soteriophobia, and the meaning struck me so deeply that I felt compelled to share it with you.
Soteriophobia is defined as the fear of dependence on others or being saved. It comes from the Greek words soteria (meaning salvation or deliverance) and phobia (meaning fear). It refers to resistance toward being helped, assisted, rescued, or saved—physically, emotionally, or spiritually. At its core, it’s a discomfort with vulnerability and the idea of needing others. Today, I want to focus particularly on its psychological aspect.

This is something I’ve silently struggled with for years, long before I even knew there was a name for it.
I remember back in school, I was very defensive when it came to people offering help. I wanted to do everything myself. I wasn’t comfortable receiving assistance from anyone. I constantly feared I would owe the person something in return—especially when they needed it most, and I might not be able to give it back. To me, help felt transactional. I would feel deeply indebted until I could repay the favor. It’s hard to fully describe the emotion, but it was like the person became a ticking time bomb—waiting for the perfect moment to explode and remind me of everything they had done for me.

The thought of being vulnerable scared me.
What if this person shared the things I confided in them?
What if it became public?
What if it backfired?
I was always questioning.

Maybe your reasons are different, but this was mine.

One major event in university really shook me.
My roommate at the time—who remains one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met—and I had an unspoken system for managing room duties. If she swept, I would empty the bin or clean the next day. However, I noticed she’d been doing it consistently for about a week—always beating me to it.

Subconsciously, I was waiting for the day she would use it against me and remind me how “ineffective” I’d been.
And then the day came… but she had not meant it in any bad way.
I was about to throw something into the bin when she casually said, “Moyin, don’t forget to empty the bin when you're leaving.”

Immediately, I snapped defensively:
“I know, I know abeg, I’ll empty it!”
It came out harsh. I even added that I knew she’d bring it up someday since she’d been doing the chores consistently.
We had a disagreement that day, and I could see how deeply hurt she was.

That night, I had to ask myself—what really happened?
I traced it back to the root and found it: a projection of old wounds and disappointments.

In secondary school, receiving help often came with strings attached. It was like a trade-by-barter system. You must give something back—whether you were ready or not. If you couldn’t, then you had no business asking for or accepting help. I also recalled deeply private things I’d once shared with “friends,” only to hear them echoed back through gossip and ridicule.

Yes, we were young and didn’t know better, but those six years left a mark.
They shaped how I saw vulnerability and trust.
But thank God—for healing, and for the gift of good people. I’ve been slowly but surely unlearning those fears.

Soteriophobia is a thief.
It steals good people from your life. It robs you of growth and the beauty of becoming a better version of yourself. Whether you like it or not, you need people. We were made for community.

Your past may have changed your orientation about receiving help, but that doesn’t erase the fact that genuinely good people exist—people who want to love, support, and be there for you, even if you can’t return the favor right away or ever.

Please, fight the resistance.
Help yourself heal—by allowing others to help you.
Don’t make it hard for yourself or for those who care about you.
It shouldn’t be difficult to love you.

Remember: perfect love casts out all fear.

Now, this is not a call to be parasitic—where you only know how to receive and never give.
You should also be someone who loves sincerely and is willing to help others, not out of pressure, but from a heart of compassion.

It is my heartfelt prayer that anyone battling with this fear experiences God’s healing and receives the gift of wholesome, safe relationships that reshape this mindset.

As you go into this new week:
Ask for help when you need it.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable—with the discretion of the Holy Spirit.
And be that person who gives love freely, without expectation.

Until next Sunday—have a blessed week!

With love,
Moyinoluwa

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